A couple of close friends of mine and I are diving into a book called "You Matter More Than You Think" Dr. Leslie Parrott. It is a good book so far and it has me looking at what I do that matters...or makes a difference. In the chapter about dreams and goals she talks about making a list of things you want to accomplish in the next 10 years. As I was reading my list started something like this..to get the laundry done, to finish the dishes, to have the kids clean up after themselves. You know typical mommy stuff. And I have for the longest time wanted to be an EMT. Being able to help people in their time of sickness or injury may not appeal to some but to me thats something I have wanted to do for a long time. Up until recently that is. As I continued reading she said something that I have been wrestling with.
"Ok thats a start. Would you say that captures your dream?"
Well? Does it?? Does it really capture my biggest dream? I have been praying about where my life is going. Asking God to give me direction. I know what I'd like to do..but what does He see for me? As I was driving to lunch one day last week singing along to the radio as I often do, a song came on. Part of the chorus asks "This is your life...Are you who you want to be?" at that moment God spoke to me louder than the music. What I heard Him say brought me to tears. He said "You are a teacher." Thats it. Plain and simple. The feeling I got after that moment reaffirmed what I believed all along. So I believe I have my "dream list"
My biggest dream is to be able to help children that need help. To be there for those kids that have no one to trust and no one to love them. My dream is to touch young lives through tangible actions that show Gods unending unquestioning love for them. To teach them how important they are to God and to the world. My hope is to win hearts for Gods glory. I know I am in a place where God has put me. I have no intention on going anywhere until He moves me. I feel as though I am living my big dream. I love the kids I teach and the kids I have yet to meet!
Whats your dream?
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
~Eleanor Roosevelt
It is never too late to dream and dream big!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My insecurities
Insecurities...that is such a touchy subject. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate the way it sounds. I hate the way when you look at the word it makes you think about yourself and what youre insecure about. And that makes you...well insecure. It is a horrible cycle round and round...well I for one am getting off this ride.
For years I have had a rough relationship with certain people in my life. You know the kind of relationship I am talking about. The one that makes you feel chained. You cant say or do anything right. And if you DO have an opinion its wrong. Walking on eggshells should be a sport, I would be able to take it to the olympics!
Anyway, about a year ago I gave it up to God. Left it in His hands. And He has been shaking it up. Its funny actually, these people...the ones I have been having this hard time with for a LONG time, its like they are new people. Or maybe I am?? Or maybe we all are? Its hard to comprehend how that works isnt it? One day I am in tears, hysterical actually, because of things that have happened or were said and the next week we are having lunch??
But here is the thing, where that insecurity comes into play...I have been talking to friends of mine at church about this situation, telling them what happened for all these years and how God has made me a stronger person. (at least I think so) Hoping that by talking about things I can get over them.
One of my friends met these people for the first time about a week ago. The reception was awesome to say the least. Laughing and joking..having a great time. So, how do I feel about this? I feel .. like crap. Really?! These are the people that I have endured so much from and the first time I bring my friend there they hit it off. I dont honestly know what I was hoping for. I was not expecting her to spit on them, or to tell them off. I wasnt hoping that she would knock them out for being so nasty. I think I just wanted less of a good time? Is that wrong?
As I type this I feel a little selfish. I feel really wrong. These are good people...they do their best. How dare I feel this way. On the other hand, I feel like my friend will like these people, who are changing day by day, and think that I am insane. That I made half the stuff up and should be an author. Maybe God is using this situation to teach me a lesson about talking to people about my troubled relationships and not to Him?? Maybe He is using this to see how much I have actually changed. I can say I forgive them. I can say I am moving on. But, to forgive and move on isnt as easy as it sounds. Its not like I have a magic eraser for my memories... I mean there is A LOT of hurt there. I do forgive them, I do love them. I wish them all the happiness I really do! I cant figure out why I felt that way. In the end its really about what God knows not how we feel. God knows my heart, good and bad. I know I cant fight through this vine of insecurities on my own so, again I am giving it all to God. I am a work in progress, God is not even close to being finished with me yet.
For years I have had a rough relationship with certain people in my life. You know the kind of relationship I am talking about. The one that makes you feel chained. You cant say or do anything right. And if you DO have an opinion its wrong. Walking on eggshells should be a sport, I would be able to take it to the olympics!
Anyway, about a year ago I gave it up to God. Left it in His hands. And He has been shaking it up. Its funny actually, these people...the ones I have been having this hard time with for a LONG time, its like they are new people. Or maybe I am?? Or maybe we all are? Its hard to comprehend how that works isnt it? One day I am in tears, hysterical actually, because of things that have happened or were said and the next week we are having lunch??
But here is the thing, where that insecurity comes into play...I have been talking to friends of mine at church about this situation, telling them what happened for all these years and how God has made me a stronger person. (at least I think so) Hoping that by talking about things I can get over them.
One of my friends met these people for the first time about a week ago. The reception was awesome to say the least. Laughing and joking..having a great time. So, how do I feel about this? I feel .. like crap. Really?! These are the people that I have endured so much from and the first time I bring my friend there they hit it off. I dont honestly know what I was hoping for. I was not expecting her to spit on them, or to tell them off. I wasnt hoping that she would knock them out for being so nasty. I think I just wanted less of a good time? Is that wrong?
As I type this I feel a little selfish. I feel really wrong. These are good people...they do their best. How dare I feel this way. On the other hand, I feel like my friend will like these people, who are changing day by day, and think that I am insane. That I made half the stuff up and should be an author. Maybe God is using this situation to teach me a lesson about talking to people about my troubled relationships and not to Him?? Maybe He is using this to see how much I have actually changed. I can say I forgive them. I can say I am moving on. But, to forgive and move on isnt as easy as it sounds. Its not like I have a magic eraser for my memories... I mean there is A LOT of hurt there. I do forgive them, I do love them. I wish them all the happiness I really do! I cant figure out why I felt that way. In the end its really about what God knows not how we feel. God knows my heart, good and bad. I know I cant fight through this vine of insecurities on my own so, again I am giving it all to God. I am a work in progress, God is not even close to being finished with me yet.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Untitled
So, I am sitting here trying to fall asleep. I have decided that sleeping while reading the computer is not the best idea.
In my short blogging experience (this being only my 2nd post) I thought I would do some blog reading...see what this is all about. While reading a few personal blogs of complete strangers...I realized this. God is amazing. People are stronger than they give themselves credit for. Sometimes life isn't fair and we have to make tough choices and I might like this blogging thing.
For this year 2011 and beyond ... I am giving it all to God. My life is in His hands, I am the clay.
These are a few ... not necessarily in order...
*My family finances...I am learning although it is a struggle for me.. that all I have and all my family has God has provided and I need to be giving back to Him faithfully...without thinking "if I write this check I cant feed my family..."
Side note: I am a teacher in heart, I love kids and I love teaching them about God. And in doing this teaching God has taught ME so much! I lead a youth group for kids ages 5-12 and we are learning about being faithful to God. Everything we have belongs to God and if we take care of what He blesses us with He will give us more.
As I am trying to explain this...my kids bedrooms are a mess! My first response is to be upset. However when I stopped to think about this..how can I be upset with them for misusing the toys I have given to them? Am I not doing the same thing with my check book?? With the money God has given to me?? Isnt this the same thing?
*My weight* I am a mom of 4 kids.. its hard for me to lose weight. I am full of excuses... I know that and I am working on it, I cant do it alone. I am putting that in Gods hands too... Silly??? Perhaps. But, I know if it is important to me it is also important to God. I know that God wants me to take care of this body that He gave me. I also know He wants me to teach the kids He gave me to take care of their bodies...we learn by example.
*Past hurts. That is a tough one. Especially when it has to do with family. I can play the victim I can tell you it was never my fault. I can say all these things and I can partially believe that they are entirely true! Truth is, we all have a part to play. I have to let these go. Fully and completely.
This is going to be an entire blog in and of itself!
*Reading my Bible daily. Sunday morning during the kids service. We talked about being "church potatoes" ..yeah the kids laughed at that! How church potatoes believe in Jesus and love Him..but thats all they do. They don't read their bibles, they only half sing the songs...they don't give to the community...We even named the potato, "Lazy Frank" We talked about how important praying was. I used the illustration of a relationship of me and my son. We talk all the time, laugh, play, we have a close relationship. Then I sent him to the other side of the room and said, ... we don't really get to see each other that often. I only ask him for help when I have an emergency.... our relationship isn't close anymore.... Sometimes I do that with God. Its not intentional by any means but it is something I can fix. Reading Gods Word helps us to have a closer relationship with Him....and I want that for me and my kids! (All of my kids!! The ones that live with me and the ones I teach every week)
*To finish the book I am supposed to be reading...I love to read! I read whole books in a day. Its hard to read one that HAS to be read. Even if it is the best book in the world! (Which btw...this is a pretty good book. Speaks to me on an easy level. I am doing a bible study with two of my very best friends "you matter more than you think" Dr Leslie Parrott)
Thats my list for now..I may as my journey goes find more to add! I am a work in progress God isn't done with me yet!
Night!
In my short blogging experience (this being only my 2nd post) I thought I would do some blog reading...see what this is all about. While reading a few personal blogs of complete strangers...I realized this. God is amazing. People are stronger than they give themselves credit for. Sometimes life isn't fair and we have to make tough choices and I might like this blogging thing.
For this year 2011 and beyond ... I am giving it all to God. My life is in His hands, I am the clay.
These are a few ... not necessarily in order...
*My family finances...I am learning although it is a struggle for me.. that all I have and all my family has God has provided and I need to be giving back to Him faithfully...without thinking "if I write this check I cant feed my family..."
Side note: I am a teacher in heart, I love kids and I love teaching them about God. And in doing this teaching God has taught ME so much! I lead a youth group for kids ages 5-12 and we are learning about being faithful to God. Everything we have belongs to God and if we take care of what He blesses us with He will give us more.
As I am trying to explain this...my kids bedrooms are a mess! My first response is to be upset. However when I stopped to think about this..how can I be upset with them for misusing the toys I have given to them? Am I not doing the same thing with my check book?? With the money God has given to me?? Isnt this the same thing?
*My weight* I am a mom of 4 kids.. its hard for me to lose weight. I am full of excuses... I know that and I am working on it, I cant do it alone. I am putting that in Gods hands too... Silly??? Perhaps. But, I know if it is important to me it is also important to God. I know that God wants me to take care of this body that He gave me. I also know He wants me to teach the kids He gave me to take care of their bodies...we learn by example.
*Past hurts. That is a tough one. Especially when it has to do with family. I can play the victim I can tell you it was never my fault. I can say all these things and I can partially believe that they are entirely true! Truth is, we all have a part to play. I have to let these go. Fully and completely.
This is going to be an entire blog in and of itself!
*Reading my Bible daily. Sunday morning during the kids service. We talked about being "church potatoes" ..yeah the kids laughed at that! How church potatoes believe in Jesus and love Him..but thats all they do. They don't read their bibles, they only half sing the songs...they don't give to the community...We even named the potato, "Lazy Frank" We talked about how important praying was. I used the illustration of a relationship of me and my son. We talk all the time, laugh, play, we have a close relationship. Then I sent him to the other side of the room and said, ... we don't really get to see each other that often. I only ask him for help when I have an emergency.... our relationship isn't close anymore.... Sometimes I do that with God. Its not intentional by any means but it is something I can fix. Reading Gods Word helps us to have a closer relationship with Him....and I want that for me and my kids! (All of my kids!! The ones that live with me and the ones I teach every week)
*To finish the book I am supposed to be reading...I love to read! I read whole books in a day. Its hard to read one that HAS to be read. Even if it is the best book in the world! (Which btw...this is a pretty good book. Speaks to me on an easy level. I am doing a bible study with two of my very best friends "you matter more than you think" Dr Leslie Parrott)
Thats my list for now..I may as my journey goes find more to add! I am a work in progress God isn't done with me yet!
Night!
Giving this a shot~
I was told that I should be journaling...well I tried that. I tried that a lot! I just cant seem to keep all the "journals" in one spot..or one of the kids needs a piece of paper so page by page my journals disappear.
So, what do you blog...I have read many different blogs. I have laughed at some, cried at others. I have thought that some shouldnt blog! (which if anyone reads this.. might think!)
I kind of feel silly sitting here typing away. Do I tell this blog about my family? Do I tell it all my hopes? Fears?
My goal in this newish year is to at least give it a shot. It can, for now, be my little secret spot where I can rant and yell about my kids, my husband, my never ending messy house and the money that I never seem to have enough of. I am hoping that through this "shot" I can work through stress. Sometimes having the situation in front of you gives you an objective opinion...
I am also hoping that through this journaling journey ... I learn more about myself! So, with my first blog out there...here goes!
So, what do you blog...I have read many different blogs. I have laughed at some, cried at others. I have thought that some shouldnt blog! (which if anyone reads this.. might think!)
I kind of feel silly sitting here typing away. Do I tell this blog about my family? Do I tell it all my hopes? Fears?
My goal in this newish year is to at least give it a shot. It can, for now, be my little secret spot where I can rant and yell about my kids, my husband, my never ending messy house and the money that I never seem to have enough of. I am hoping that through this "shot" I can work through stress. Sometimes having the situation in front of you gives you an objective opinion...
I am also hoping that through this journaling journey ... I learn more about myself! So, with my first blog out there...here goes!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)